I have been absent from posting for a couple months now.  The primary reason… I’m resting in 2012.  It’ been great!  I will be sharing some benefits of resting in the near future,  but for today just a little “vent” about Valentine’s Day.

I don’t much like Valentine’s Day.

There are a lot of reasons for my dislike of Valentine’s Day, but here are a few…

* Candy hearts taste like crap.  Who actually eats these things?

* Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, in which men stripped naked, grabbed whips, and spanked young women in hopes of increasing their fertility.  That was a bad idea then, and is a bad idea now.

* Single or not, this is a really unhealthy holiday. A month after you’ve pledged to lose the Christmas weight, you are faced with excessive chocolate consumption.

* Take a moment to consider folklore. Cupid was essentially a streaker man-child who used poisoned arrows to create “Eros”.  Another bad idea.

* A recent poll found that two in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day.  And that’s just the ones that admitted it.

I know I’m in the minority … 40% of American’s have negative feelings toward Valentine’s Day…. but I have a strange feeling in the next couple years I will be in the majority.

With 2012 starting tomorrow,  let me just say you have probably never known anyone more excited about starting a new year then yours truly.

2011 was a roller coaster ride that had some highlights, but had it’s share of “lowlights” as well.

They say that crisis, pain and struggle are the things used in our life to help us learn, grow and get stronger.  If this is true, then I am going to be a pretty smart and tough guy.

I am ready to turn the page. I  know that there is no “real” difference between December 31 and January 1.  It’s just another tick of the clock, a change in numbers… but for me, this new year will mark a change of mental and spiritual attitude.

Here’s some things I am thinking heading into 2012:

SIMPLIFY.  I am going to strip my life of unnecessary entanglements and burdens.  I am only going to accept the essentials in my life.  No this doesn’t mean getting rid of cable TV,  I am just wanting to try to live life more simply in 2012. When faced with a decision to make, I am going to ask first which choice will lead to simplicity in me, my wife, and my kids.  I believe God wants me and my family to slow down and focus.

TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.  I am going to work on me in 2012. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally…. it’s time to take care of me.  I know this sounds selfish, but one of the best gifts I can give my wife, kids, friends, and neighbors is a healthy me.

LOVE MY KIDS MORE.  In simplifying my life and my choices I will be spending more time with my children and focus on them and their needs.  In taking care of myself I hope I will in turn give them a better dad than they had in 2011.

HIT IT HARD.  It is time to conquer the childish ideas and beliefs we have about life, love, relationships, God, faith…. most things we hold dear.  There is so much “junk” that is being vomited in our society by “the educated”.  The institutional church is especially full of “childish” thinking and continues patterns and practices that are “status quo” dressed up to look like “cutting edge”.  When I see it, I will share it.  My hope is to make The Church a more beautiful bride.

I am looking forward to these changes in my life.

I want to say thank you to my wife Caroline.  I couldn’t have imagined handling all that has occurred this last year without her.  For the last 15 years she has always been by my side.

I love her immensely.

This weekend I received a Christmas gift.  It was a gift card to Goodwill.  I’ve never received a gift card from Goodwill before.  Honestly, I didn’t even know that they were  available.  I love this gift.  I’ll be sure to use it when I get to Chicago.

The Goodwill gift card, along with all the packing we are doing for our move to Chicago,  has encouraged me to clean out my closet.  I have clothes in that closet that haven’t seen the light of day for years. They aren’t bad clothes.  At one time I wore them and now I don’t.

Some of my shirts just aren’t in style anymore.  Still others I simply do not like.  I wore them once or twice and gave them a try, but you know, I never really liked them.

It’s time for all of these unworn and unused clothes to head on down to Goodwill.  Most, if not all, are in very good shape and could be used by someone.  So off to Goodwill they go.

You know, most churches I have been a part of need to clean out their closets too.

As my departure from Huntersville, NC gets closer, I find myself reflecting on many things.  But one area I continue to ponder and be thankful for are the friends that I made here in my short 2 year run.

Relationships are everything.

Friends — in and out of the workplace — keep us healthier, happier, better adjusted, and more empathetic.  The converse is also true.

For those of us in leadership, friendships also keep us more connected, humble, and real.  I love the friendshps I have with many teenagers, my team of student leaders, and some of the paid staff I worked with.  They have made me a better person.

But aren’t there risks?  Of course.  All good things involve risks.  But the abundant returns are well worth the risks….

The risks were worth it for Jesus too.  He didn’t let his ministry keep him from forming friendships on his team.  He didn’t allow his leadership to prohibit him from forming friendships among his followers.  He didn’t let the prospect of future betrayal keep him forming friendships either.

Great leaders are great friends.  They understand the risk, and dive right in.  Leaders that keep themselves at a distance, especially from their own teams live in fear.  Fear of pain.  Fear of being found out.  Fear of discovering who they really are.

The world’s authority on relationships in ministry said, “I no longer call you servants. I call you friends.” (John 15:15)

May we follow his lead.

Many church people think about small groups from strictly a consumer’s perspective.

“The reason I join a small group is for what I get out of it.  They help me grow, I enjoy the benefits of the relationships, I get my needs prayed for, I receive the benefits of being encouraged, and more.” – Consumer Christian

Church leaders have taught this consumer mindset.  In their desire to get their flock of self-focused Christians in a small group, they have told us all the ways small groups would benefit us.  It’s an awkward sales pitch that is only half true.

The truth is, being part of a small group does benefit me, but this can’t be my primary reason for being part of a small group.  Otherwise, if I don’t like it, or my needs are getting met, I’ll simply drop out.  When I’m too tired from a long workday, I won’t bother going.  When it takes too much work to love each other, I’ll just stop attending.  After all, my whole reason for being in a small group is for me!

How about church leaders try a different sales pitch for getting people into small groups.  How about telling them the entire truth…

Get in a small group because it is the biblical model of New Testament Christianity.  I sacrifice for others in my group because the Bible tells me to put the needs of others ahead of mine.  I show up week after week, even when I’ve had a long day, because I know the value of the discipline of faithfulness.  I focus on meeting the needs of others in my group because friendship is a commitment, not just a benefit.

So let’s collectively work at getting over ourselves.

Every December for the past 8 years we have created a short little video to remember the last 365 days together as a family.   We have had some great years, and some challenging years.

2011 was a crazy Roller Coaster ride…  and we have affectionately nicknamed it “RC11″ for short.  In the middle of all the chaos and craziness of life are many beautiful things.

If you don’t look for beautiful things everyday,  you’ll miss them.  In the middle of pain, when life seems to be a crazy roller coaster out of control, keep you eyes open, and look for the beautiful.

We hope you enjoy our 2011 TeSelle Family Video, and see many beautiful things in 2012.

2012 is under a month away!  I hope next year is a little scary, a little fun, and includes  more positive change.

For me and my family, much of 2012 will be about change and transition.  As we plan for the next 365 days, I am making a declaration.

I declare 2012 A YEAR OF REST.

Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is nothing.  Resting requires planning.  It doesn’t happen by accident.

In order to make my declaration a reality… here is action step #1.

I will be taking at least 80 days off this next year.

A day off is an absolute requirement to stay healthy.  Take a day off or you won’t last, and your relationships won’t last either.  Sadly, many people don’t know how to take a day off.  Here are a few ideas …

Get away from people. Or not.
Some of us need to be with people on your day off because they energize us and help us make the most of a day off.  Others need to avoid people altogether because we find refreshment in being alone.  Whichever way you lean… lean hard that direction on your day off.

Reconnect with God
Life generally has two speeds: Fast, and very fast.  If you are anything like me, it is often difficult to connect with God at any level of real intimacy during the hustle and bustle of a typical week.   A day off is the perfect time to do just that.

Do something fun
Fatigue usually sets in when you aren’t getting enough rest or are all work and no play.  So, find an afternoon that you can set aside to do something fun that you normally don’t have time for.  Maybe you want to play 9 holes of golf, go for a jog/walk, build a hot rod, browse through a book store, knit a sweater, ride your motorcycle, or catch a movie.

Join me in my declaration.  Do nothing.  Plan to rest.

God will never sound so clear.

Do you agree with the chart or no?
What do you see happening in your own life?
What do you see the church doing? Teaching?
Biblical or unbiblical?

This post is for all my friends that are in full-time, paid ministry jobs.

Have you ever experience a loss of excitement for ministry?  For whatever reason, you found it more difficult to be fired-up to drive to church.  When the morning was done, you were glad you showed up because God did great things, but getting there definitely required more emotional effort than it used to.

Been there?

How did it get to this point?  What happened?

It’s good to get into a groove with your ministry, but it can become dangerous when the grove becomes a rut.  Week after week, going to the same programs, doing the same things, seeing the same people, singing the same songs, and meeting in the same environment can lead to a “supposed to do” and the routine can drain your passion.

How is it possible to get back the ministry equivalent of the “new car smell”?

If you and I were having coffee, and I knew you had lost some of your excitement for your ministry, I’d simply ask a few trigger questions:

•    What is it that you love about being a Christian?
•    What is it that excites you about your faith?
•    Tell me what’s so great about your relationship with Jesus?

It would be fun to hear how God has worked in your life.  The next question would be….  Are you sharing this excitement/love/passion with people that God has entrusted to your care?

The best type of relational ministry is one that appears from an overflow of the work of God in our own heart.  When you get trapped in the routine you forget to share what’s important and that’s a recipe that results in apathy.

Consider recharging your passion by making a small change with your personal ministry.  Perhaps it’s time to shift your responsibilities and add something new, or pull back somewhere so you don’t hit burn out.  Or, maybe it’s time to take a break for a short season.

You don’t want to quit altogether just because you’ve lost a little passion, but stepping back could do wonders to restore your excitement ministry.

Or maybe you do/should quit altogether.

What really works to bring people into authentic relationship with Jesus?  And where is your church spending its effort?

Today’s churches (and individuals) take different approaches to what’s often called outreach, evangelism or being missional.  Loads of time, money and attention are spent on certain techniques.  Some bear fruit.  Most provide poor results.

Some common approaches:

• Academic.  This approach includes the teaching ministries of sermons, Bible studies and Sunday school.  The assumption is, “If they hear the information, they’ll believe.”

• Transactional.  This “sales-oriented” approach may involve crusades and altar calls.  The emphasis centers on “closing the sale” or creating urgency for making a decision for Christ.

• Service or event.  These approaches include community service days, giveaways at public events, movie showings, comedy concerts, worship services, etc.  Proponents believe a good deed leads to belief.

• Relational.  This approach is commonly called friendship or personal or lifestyle evangelism.  Practitioners introduce Jesus to their friends and relatives through conversation.

So, what works?  Different researchers have come to similar conclusions.  Here’s a typical result from Church Growth, Inc.:

1. Academic efforts: Sunday school accounts for 5%.  Pastors account for 6%.

2. Transactional efforts:  Evangelistic crusades account for less than 1%.

3. Service or Event efforts: Church services and special events account for 3%.

4. Relational efforts:  Friends and relatives account for 78%.

All of these methods can help bring people closer to a relationship with Jesus.  But one of them obviously produces far greater results.

If we’re serious about spreading the Gospel, it’s time to be intentional about being relational.  Here’s a couple ideas….

1) Equip members with natural and conversational skills to talk about their faith, and then 2) Provide opportunities for members to actually practice talking about God with friends.

Invest in what works, instead of investing millions in buildings and strategies that produce limited results.

Sean is one of my new heroes.

This is an inspirational and challenging book that is perfect as we are getting ready to launch into another year.  Stop making excuses, and get off your butt and read it.

It will change your life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have so much to be thankful for that it’s really hard to know where to begin. I am so thankful for my wife, Caroline, who has been a tremendous encourager as we trek through life together.

I am thankful for my children. Gunnar, Tygar, Stone, and Eden. The joy they bring me is almost indescribable.

I am thankful that I have been blessed with good health and material blessings. I am thankful that I have a job where I can be the light of Jesus in a dark place with all kinds of people, with all kinds of struggles. I am thankful that God has blessed me with a few spiritual gifts with which I try to use to serve Him.

I am thankful that I live in a country where I can worship without fear of being arrested and imprisoned for following Jesus.

I am thankful to have so many friends from around the country who have impacted my life. I would not be the same without them.

I am thankful that I serve a God who is totally consumed with love for me and a Father who listens when I talk to Him. I am so thankful that I serve a God who was willing to give His Son to die on a cross so that I can live eternally with Him.

I could write page after page of the all the things I am thankful for and it would take me hours or even days to get it done. So, what can I do or say to God for all He has showered me with.

I think a simple “thank you” is what He wants.

If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.  – General Eric Shinseki

Who is leading you?
It is crucial that you have someone in your life who is a little further down the path than you;  somebody maybe a little older, and for sure a little wiser.  The benefits of a seasoned mentor should never be overlooked.  Being mentored from a distance is possible, but having someone in real-life is a better option.  Being mentored through blogs and books is also a possibility, but without access to discussion the dialogue is decidedly one way.

Who Are You Leading With?
There is nothing better than sharing life with a few close friends.  They might be an incredible co-worker, neighbor, or college buddy.  Someone who is like-minded.  These people are your “2am friends”.  You can call them at 2am and they will answer, and do whatever you need.

Who are You Leading?
Hand pick one or two people and give them some customized mentoring.  If you take a second to think about your own experiences growing up, no doubt there were several people along the way that distinctively shaped you toward becoming who you are. Pass it on.

Good things don’t happen by accident.   Have a plan.

Though I look forward to leaving this crazy planet one day, getting a brand new body, and going “home” to be with Jesus,  I sometimes wish I could be “raptured” right now from some of His followers.  Some of Jesus’ followers are just plain weird.

Now I realize there are some (maybe many) of my brothers and sisters in Christ that would love to be “raptured” from me at times….

If you are one of these said family members….
I am sorry.  Please forgive me.

Many few years ago I heard John Ortberg make a distinction I will never forgot.  “Every educational institution”, he said, “has two kinds of subject matter.  There is the formal curriculum.  And there is also something called hidden curriculum.”

The formal curriculum consists of agreed-upon topics.  Algebra, geography, English lit, history, physics. Leadership decides on—sometimes war over—what makes up the formal curriculum.

The hidden curriculum also involves learning, but nobody ever sets it.  The hidden curriculum consists of questions like:  Which students get called on and which go ignored?  Who do other students want to sit next to in the cafeteria and who sits alone?  Whose jokes get laughed at?  Whose body is shaped right?  Of what does “cool” consist, and who possesses it?

The formal curriculum is intentional and obvious.
The hidden curriculum is inherent and subtle.

What you learn in the formal curriculum often evaporates after your finals.
What you learn in the hidden curriculum lasts a lifetime.

And if there is a contradiction between what’s taught by the formal curriculum and what’s taught by the hidden curriculum, people always believe the hidden curriculum.  Always.

The reason this stays with me so vividly, of course, is that I have worked at a number of churches.  There is always a formal curriculum.  It gets taught in Sunday School, Student meetings, Women’s Ministry, and on Sunday Mornings.  It gets sung from the stage and facilitated in small groups.  The formal curriculum is what gets taught when we study Romans, or learn about prayer.

But we have a hidden curriculum.  Who gets a hug?  Who gets ignored?  How do the staff and leaders get along when they’re off the stage and think nobody’s looking?  How does a small group respond when someone shares a problem that is untidy and unresolved?   Do leaders respond with panic or irritation or confidence or gentleness when a problem strikes?  When there is a conflict, do people face it head on or go into avoidance mode?  Does the church staff run with confidence or run in fear?

When I taught the formal curriculum, I had a chance to think about it ahead of time.  I could rehearse it.  I can try to make it come out just right.

But I’m teaching the hidden curriculum all the time.  I cannot prepare for it.  It just leaks out of me.

We tend to overestimate what people learn from our formal curriculum.
And we underestimate what people learn from our church’s hidden curriculum.

And when there is a disagreement between the two, when we claim “God so loved the world … ” but we really love the beautiful or the useful or the cool or the strong, the message people take from our church is the hidden curriculum.  Always.

In the life of every teacher, every church, there is a formal and a hidden curriculum.  The formal one matters.  It’s worth getting right.  But it will never overpower the hidden curriculum. 

Never.

I wonder what the driver of this Hummer was thinking when he put this sticker on his truck?  I wonder what message he is trying to convey?

What are you thinking/feeling when you see this sticker?
What are people that don’t believe in Jesus thinking/feeling when they see this sticker?

It reminded me of the lyrics to the song “Jesus Drove a Cadillac” by Unveiled.
Listen to the words… insightful, funny, sad, maybe true.

If you think about it, there’s a whole lot about “church” that’s not biblical.  I’m not saying it’s wrong… at least not yet…  I’m just saying it’s not in the Bible.

When you get right down to it, much of contemporary christianity is running on the fuel of tradition.  Many of these traditions are no longer useful, and are actually damaging followers of Jesus, as well as the mission of the local church.

Here’s a traditional teaching, that is taught primarily in the seeker sensitive church model, that might need to be re-thought….

Invite your friends to church.

Nowhere in the Bible are Christians commanded to invite their friends to church.  There is biblical teaching however, that instructs Christians to invite people to Jesus.  Somehow, for many Christians, inviting their friends to church is like the 11th commandment.

The not-so-subtle message taught from the seeker sensitive church is this…. “bring your friends to a our cool/hip church so the professional pastor can tell your friend about Jesus. Because you can’t do it on your own.”

Sadly for many christians, inviting their friends to church is their only form of evangelism.  Why?  That’s what they have learned from the church.

Rather than loving people like we should, we invite them to church.  And we feel like we’ve done our duty.

Is this the best way to “make disciples?”  In the book of Acts, church life was for believers, maybe occasionally frequented by outsiders.

Perhaps there is a more biblical way to evangelize than by inviting people to a church service for an hour.

“Mix a good dose of ego addiction with Jesus, and the consequences are frightening.  It causes ministers to build huge churches as a monument to their own ego, it causes people to go on television with their “unique ministry”, which is another term for “my ministry”. It causes people to write books, speak all over the world, abandon their families, their friends, and their neighborhoods so they can respond to the “great need”… which is really the need to be needed.

Think of all the churches in America right now that are supporting the egos of their ministers. Think of all the supporters of para-church organizations that are supporting the ego of their “founder and president.” Think of all the churches and organizations that are supporting the egos of their “internationally known speakers.”

The result is that the evangelical church is known more for its “big” churches and famous people than it is known for its Jesus.” – Mike Yaconelli – October 1992

I wish I had written that, but I didn’t so the best I can do is share it with you.  Read this one line again, Think of all the churches in America right now that are supporting the egos of their ministers.  Do you find yourself shaking your head at the truth of that statement like I do?  I have been on both sides of this equation and know it to be true.

It seems that church-work is hazardous to your health.  On one hand, you have pastors who tend to serve their churches as if their very lives depend on it.  Neglecting their own needs they seem to sacrifice it all for the life of the church.  In effect, the church becomes their life.

On the other hand you have churches that seem to take advantage of this fact.  Churches tend to heap a huge amount of expectations on their pastors.  This can be a volatile and dangerous combination.

A recent article I read had this to say about the office of the pastor:

The pastoral office has a way of chewing up all who come within its pale.  Depression, burn-out, stress, and emotional breakdown are terribly high among Pastors.

Consider the following statistics that show the lethal danger of being a pastor:

* 94% feel pressured to have an ideal family.
* 81% say they have insufficient time with their spouses.
* 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their family negatively.
* 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.
* 50% feel unable to meet the needs of the job.
* 40% report that they are suffering from burnout and frantic schedules.
* 33% consider pastoral ministry an outright hazard to the family.
* 33% have seriously considered leaving their position in the past year.

Unfortunately, few Pastors have connected the dots to discover that it is their office that causes this underlying turbulence.  Simply put: Jesus Christ never intended any person to sport all the hats the Pastor is expected to wear.  He never intended any man to bear such a load.

So here’s some questions…

Do you think churches have too many expectations on the pastors that serve them?  Do congregations or pastors bear the responsibility for such dreadful statistics as the ones listed above?  Do you agree with the writer that the office of the pastor is the cause for the underlying turbulence in their lives?  What are some solutions you see that could remedy this crisis?

Here’s one thing I know…
After 20 years of being a pastor…. I’m taking a break…. indefinitely.